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Spot the difference

Twenty-five years ago yesterday, Manchester United appointed a new manager. Less than a year later, a young MP by the name of Tony Blair was given his first post in Labour’s shadow cabinet. One went on to be the Red’s most successful leader, returning them to heights of power they hadn’t seen since the 1960s. The other was Sir Alex Ferguson.

But what if their situations had been reversed? What if Ferguson had been the politician? (If only, you might say.) Here’s what I think would have happened:

Ferguson would have got rid of Brown
Fergie would never have tolerated Brown’s insubordination. In his time at United, anyone who challenged him – Beckham, Keane, Stam – was given the boot, in Beckham’s case quite literally. It made Ferguson unpopular, but he did it anyway. Blair never quite had the balls, and it was arguably the biggest mistake of his premiership.

We still would have gone to war in Iraq
Ferguson loves conflict, both necessary and unnecessary, so whatever you think of Iraq, you have to believe that he would have gone in. Like Blair, he would have found the chance to wield real power impossible to turn down.

There still would have been a financial crisis
In his own mind, Ferguson is Old Labour through and through. (“Arthur Scargill with boots on,” according to the Telegraph.) But in fact, like New Labour, he’s adapted fully to the demands of capitalism. He may not like being ruled by the Glazers. He may not like United being loaded up with their debt. But he doesn’t speak out against them – because doing so would jeopardise his project. He’s made the same deal with the Glazers that Blair and Brown made with the City.

Not that different after all. And that’s the funny thing about Fergie: he’s done incredible things, but his legacy is mainly his succcess. He’s led one of the biggest teams around to an incredible spell of domination. He hasn’t changed football – not like a Michels or a Cruyff, a Thatcher or a Reagan. In that sense, too, he resembles Blair.

And if Tony had been managing Man U? He would have done all right. Then, in 2003, he would have been ousted by a committe of players led by the Gordon Brown of football, Roy Keane. Keane would have taken over for a short, dismal spell at the helm. And United would now be managed by … Sven Goran Cameron.

The Telegraph’s Daily Bung gives a small insight into the ongoing existential crisis that is being life as a Spurs fan:

… fantasy football pie in the sky stuff may ease Joe Cole’s way out of Stamford Bridge, from whence he will make the short journey to White Hart Lane and presumably watch his talent and promise wither and die on the vine.

That’s the bleak picture painted for the currently injured forward by the Mirror, with Harry Redknapp launching a £10 million bid for his former player at this very moment. The paper go on to says that Chelsea would not be interested in selling and, even if they were, would want more than £10 million, which takes a little of the punch out of the story, eh?